


On The Way Down

by alinalotus



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hinakiba - Freeform, I'm nostalgic and these two own my ass, Kiba is a friggen cinnamon role and I love him, More angst, Repost of an Old Fic from Another Site, and yeah a coward, kakashi is a dumbass, onesided KibaSaku
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29448342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alinalotus/pseuds/alinalotus
Summary: Just because she'd moved onto something new didn't mean it was something better. She'd never given up on him, not really, and the past was always meant to haunt her anyway.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi
Kudos: 18





	On The Way Down

**x indicates flashbacks. Warnings are language and sexual situations.**

**Enjoy.**

_I am not so different in my history of abandonment from anyone else, after all._

_We have all been split away from the earth, each other, ourselves._

_-Susan Griffin_

She took a deep, meditating breath. It was the same cycle again - repress, focus. Repress, focus.

He was nowhere to be seen, but still his (damning, intoxicating) scent lingered. She'd pretended to be asleep when he'd slipped off, but he'd probably seen past that.

He saw past everything.

**oooo**

"Sorry I missed the party last night." Kakashi said by way of greeting, the following morning. They were in the jounin lounge, just off of Hokage Tower, and several of their comrades were milling around, pouring coffee or going over their procrastinated mission reports.

"No you're not." She said, her words blunt, raising an eyebrow. If he thought this apology that was more half-assed than inside joke, as he'd have her believe, made up for him completely blowing off her birthday until two in the morning when she was just falling asleep...she suppressed a shiver, remembering his hands on her, his skin against hers...

No. Repress, focus.

Kakashi smiled faintly. Sakura wasn't like most other women. She didn't need to be coddled and manipulated, told pretty lies and handed sincerity that came off as genuine. He wasn't her boyfriend, and she wasn't petty. She didn't need him to show up to a party with a prettily wrapped present and a smile, kiss her over the birthday candles, put on a show for their friends and comrades. She knew better, with him.

She knew better than anyone.

**oooo**

Sakura had been in love with him for years, the complete ass. A sure sign of impending psychosis, a psychological break. But they had balance- she was the masochist to his sadist. She'd have liked to blame Sasuke- maybe him abandoning her and the village had done irreparable damage, had warped her sense of what was best for her, what was right...

But that was an easy out and she had made her peace with Sasuke long ago. No matter how much she had cared for him, how much of her budding, pathetic desire she forced onto his skinny shoulders, Sasuke wasn't the same person he'd once been, and he wasn't coming back. Sakura had realized, in his absence, that her concern for him, while of course based on her crush for the dark, brooding teammate she'd once held in such high esteem, was really just a deeper rooted desire to belong to something.

Now that something was a man too old, too immature, and too important.

Kami, she'd really fucked up her life.

**oooo**

"Meet me at my place." Sakura whispered, as she bid Kakashi farewell in the hallway at the hospital. He'd come by to drop some papers off for her, and it made her heart quicken to see him standing at her desk, the personification of casual. He'd given her the usual "yo" greeting, but she'd seen the darkening of his pupil as he took in the slit of her uniform, the contrast of the pale pink of her hair against the white tunic she wore.

She couldn't deny it; she wanted him, too. With missions and her shifts at the hospital, it had been difficult for them to find some time together. And besides, it wasn't just about the fucking, which would have been enough to hook anyone with a functioning nervous system. It was _him_ , who he was. Kakashi made her laugh and cared deeply, passionately, about things, despite whatever outer appearance he maintained. He was strong and intelligent and overly talented as a shinobi, but she loved him even more for these, albeit unfair, things.

He nodded, handing her the papers. "Later, then." His gloved hand brushed hers, their eyes meeting for half a second before Kakashi, grinning underneath his mask, a secret just for her, turned to leave.

**oooo**

**x**

"Yep."

Sakura's jaw hung open. "That's all you can say? Yep?"

Kakashi slowly turned on his heel to stand face-to-face with her. Or face-down-to her, anyway. "What would you like me to say?" he asked, faintly amused.

"Well, for starters, I'd like to know how this fucking _happened_! Tsunade can't think that I, that we - " She broke off, hand clutched to her chest. Was she having a stroke?! God, Tsunade was going to _kill_ her! 

"You really should watch your language around superiors, Sakura." On her left, Sai appeared, a scroll flapping behind him.

"Pffft, it's just Kakashi-sensei! Besides, he probably doesn't even care, not when it's Sakura-chan! She's too beeaaaautiful, right Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto said, winking at Kakashi as he threw an arm around Sakura's shoulder.

Kakashi grinned, his eye an upside down u. "Yep."

There was a deafening crunch as Sakura punched Naruto in the jaw. Onlookers wouldn't be able to tell you if she'd struck out of anger at Kakashi, or if Naruto's wandering hand wasn't as subtle as the blond boy had thought.

**x**

**oooo**

Touching her was dangerous. When they were like this, not even layers of clothing between them, he often felt as if he wouldn't be able to control himself. He was man and beast at the same time, the instinct and desire for her almost strangling him.

She poised herself on top of him, and he was inside her, and it was all warmth and soft flesh, wet and slick, her centre formed to him like she was made for him. Only him.

It was fitting, of course. After all, he was made for only her.

**oooo**

"Don't." Kakashi groaned, as Sakura reached over him to switch her alarm clock off.

"Heh. Too late." It was here that Kakashi was at a complete loss to understand her, because Sakura was eternally a morning person and always rose at an ungodly hour with a smile on her lips.

"Aaaaannnnd good morning!" She announced, as she crawled out of bed, tearing the sheet away from him.

"You're really not earning any points here." Kakashi said grumpily, gazing at her with one eye, his Sharingan shut against the sunlight.

Sakura shrugged, sliding open her dressed and searching for some clean clothes. "I'll make up for it in other ways, I'm sure." She gave him a wide smile over her shoulder.

"You're very sure of yourself." Kakashi said, opening both eyes now that Sakura was stripping herself of the overlarge shirt and spandex shorts she always slept in.

"I had a good teacher." Sakura shot back, pulling on clean underwear, a fresh uniform.

Kakashi had to agree; their wasn't a more self-confident woman in the entire country of Fire than Tsunade. "Well, at least our Hokage is frightening." Kakashi conceded.

Sakura hopped back onto the bed, leaning down to kiss Kakashi, hard and slow and savoring the taste of his mouth, addicting even after a night of drinking and sex. "I was talking about you." She looked into his eyes for a moment, before shaking herself and pulling away from him. If she wasn't careful, she'd let herself get completely lost in him, in this moment, and while that would be preferable to pretty much everything else, Shizune for one wouldn't be all that thrilled if she was late for her shift at the hospital.

"Now get the hell out of my apartment, I'm going to be late for work." Sakura said, sighing with resolve, with duty, giving Kakashi a shove with her foot.

**oooo**

It's after she's left, leaving him as a lost cause in her bed, that he knows it, that the realization hits, heavy as a boulder, and he can think about what he's been doing for the last seven months. The touches and long looks and the sex, the laughter and the good times, the hard times and the nights spent far away from her, unable to sleep because he wasn't there to have her back if something went wrong. Not that she'd need him to save her, not anymore, but he would always like to have the option.

Kakashi was in too deep and he knew it. He'd fucked up and gotten tangled in her, fallen for the prissy, loud, beautiful, _strong_ woman she really was and dammit he loved her, and he couldn't see himself making it a day without her. But he lead, and she lead, the life of a shinobi, and that came first and always and he was a puppet, not a man, and his choices weren't his own. Could he put himself through that- through the possibility of this, of her, following the same path that everyone else he'd ever loved had? 

So he did the only thing that he could do. He stood, took one last look around her apartment, and inhaled her scent so deeply he was sure it had embedded itself into his lungs.

**oooo**

"So this is it, then." Tsunade said, her voice like a whip, her stamp hovering over the mission papers.

Kakashi gave a single, curt nod, swallowed thickly. "Yeah. She'll be too stubborn to take the hint. It can't work, and she won't take no for an answer."

"You're not giving her enough credit." Tsunade said, slamming the rubber seal on the papers and handing them back to Kakashi.

"And you're giving her too much credit." Kakashi countered. "It's better this way." He shrugged. Defeated. Pathetic. Alone. As it should be.

Tsunade gave a low chuckle. "You're so transparent, Kakashi. You know it actually could work, could be something, and that's exactly why you're doing it. Why you're running away." Tsunade gestured to the rucksack on the floor beside Kakashi. "Never thought I'd see the day when you'd be such a coward, but hell. There's a first time for everything."

"You're surprised?" Kakashi asked curiously. He didn't know if he should feel complimented or insulted.

Tsunade shook her head, lacing her fingers together and resting her chin on them. Her honey eyes were like steel. "Oh no, not surprised. You're being selfish and spiteful, and you'll undoubtedly hurt her more than anybody ever has and ever will in her entire life. That's you to a T, isn't it?"

Kakashi dropped his gaze, glaring hard at the floor. Tsunade, however annoying, was right. Sakura would be broken, far worse than she ever had been before. She'd be damaged and blame herself, and it may well take her years before she was able to move on...but then, of course, she would. She would move on. She'd see that he'd done her a favor, actually, because really it was just a matter of time before this all ended on horrific terms anyway, before he fucked up so badly that she cut him loose, or before he couldn't be there and save her from the death that he'd always known awaited anyone he loved. Better sooner than later and all that.

"I'll be on my way, then."

"One more thing, Hatake." Tsunade said, and her voice was low and serious.

Kakashi turned back to her, rucksack slung around his shoulders. "This is permanent. As in, you don't come back. _Ever_." 

"I don't intend to. A clean break, you understand." He forced the words out, however poisonous they tasted on his tongue. 

"And I'm making sure you understand. You set foot in Konoha again and I'll have you executed. You're forfeiting your life here, Kakashi."

Yes, he was well aware of that. But without Sakura, there wasn't anything worth coming back for. And even with her...he couldn't allow this to continue. What had started out as fondness and mere attraction, developing into something deeper, something he had become dependent on and nearly obsessed with...

It was a thousand times more dangerous, this loving thing, than he ever realized, and he couldn't let this continue. For both their sakes.

"Goodbye, then." He said, and he disappeared in a cloud of smoke, Tsunade shaking her head in a resigned way after him.

**oooo**

**x**

"Well you know what Kakashi-sensei? Fuck you. _Fuck. You_."

"Oh yeah?" Kakashi said, grabbing onto her wrist and swinging her around so she was forced to look up at him.

Sakura's face pulled into a feral snarl, she swung her head forward, intending to head-butt Kakashi with as much strength as she could muster, but Kakashi proved his speed once more, flinging himself back from her.

"Yeah!" She spat, turning to storm off once more. "And while we're at it, you can also shove it right up your ass!" 

"Earth style! Head hunter jutsu!"

"GRAH!" Sakura tried to get away. She'd improved her reflexes over the years, of course, and she'd nearly made jounin to boot. She should've been able to get away from him, to be, at least, on equal footing with him. But maybe he'd been right. Maybe it really was the right decision, to fail her on the exam. If she couldn't see this coming, she had no business being a jounin.

This realization did little to ease her anger at him, though. Sakura had felt sure that he, at least, would have been pulling for some points in her favor. Kurenai and Gai had at least been fair judges, but Kakashi had completely glossed over the good of her performance, focusing on and amplifying the minute bad.

"What's the first rule of battle, Sakura?" Kakashi said, sitting cross-legged in front of her. His lips were pulled into a smirk- taunting, arrogant. The perfect words to describe him, really.

"I swear Kakashi-sensei if you don't let me go..." She seethed, squirming, but it was an entirely different ballgame to be encased in the ground, pressed in by pounds and pounds of dirt and grass. Kakashi's chakra was tunneled into those pounds, and it was like steel gripping her limbs.

"In so many words, check emotions at the door. If you had been clear-headed and calm, you really wouldn't be in the situation, would you, Sakura?"

"Just let me go, asshole! I get it, alright? I get that you don't think I'm worthy to be a jounin, that I'm pathetic and weak and whatever else. Yeah, I get it, cool, Sakura sucks, let's keep her destitute and on shitty missions. Blah blah blah. You've proven your point okay? Now let me out!"

"No." He said simply, looking down at her.

After another moment of useless struggling, Sakura stilled, her eyes reduced to slits as she glared at Kakashi.

"Ready to talk like an actual adult?" He said, stowing the latest edition of _Icha Icha_ in the pouch at his hip.

Sakura spit, aiming for his face, but only making it to his feet.

Kakashi smiled, holding back a laugh. So hotheaded. It was the reason she was never going to pass the jounin tests, even if it was the thing he liked most about her. "Alright then. When you're ready to behave like the big girl I know you're capable of being, we'll talk about getting you out of there."

As she watched him leave the clearing, Sakura slammed her head back against the ground. She wanted to think a lot of things right then, a lot of things along murderous lines, and maybe a few things along lustful lines. She enjoyed watching him go just as much as the next girl, after all. There was no denying that Kakashi could set her blood boiling like no one else.

But all she could really bring herself to think was Kakashi 1, Sakura 0.

**x**

**oooo**

It was weeks after Kakashi left that Sakura was able to even think about him without falling apart, and even then her emotional state was precarious at best.

She didn't let any of them see it, though. It hadn't dawned on her that the relationship she'd had with Kakashi wasn't as well hidden as they'd intended, for everybody seemed sympathetic and was unusually kind to her in the time that followed his departure from Konoha. She'd shocked them all with her continuance of life, though, because she'd be damned if she'd come off as the wreck she really was.

So, she pulled the extra shifts at the hospital she always did, she ate ramen with Naruto and Sai and Ino whenever she got the chance, and she never missed a training session with Tsunade and Shizune. For all intents and purposes Sakura was the same girl she'd been when Kakashi had been a constant in her life. When he'd loved her back, loved her enough to stay.

Tsunade, the only person Sakura was sure knew of her illicit romance with her previous sensei, was probably the only one who truly understood what Sakura was going through, and as such could see right through her facade. To her pupil, it was like Kakashi had died, and with him, a large chunk of, if not all of, Sakura's heart. Tsunade had to hand it to her, though; she certainly hadn't expected Sakura to take this abandonment so well. She remembered, after Dan had died, curling up into a miserable ball of wretchedness and drinking herself nearly to death. She hadn't left her house for days, and even after the numbing shock had worn off, she'd been nothing but a former shadow of herself for years.

Even to this day Tsunade felt the crushing waves of loss from time to time, and would disappear for long hours with a bottle or two of sake and sob her sorrows onto her sleeve. So naturally, it made her all the more worried when Sakura did, at least to her knowledge, none of these things.

She'd assigned, secretly of course, Ino to keep a watch on the situation. Ino claimed that Sakura was still the same old boring hag she'd always been. After her shifts at the hospital or after missions, she'd go home and do her laundry, catch up on sleep, maybe cook dinner for herself, and then start the cycle all over again the next day.

But Tsuande, who knew Sakura like she was her own daughter, could see the cracks, could see the fault lines along Sakura like they were drawn on her skin. They grew larger with each passing month Kakashi was gone, and Tsunade knew that all it was going to take was one little earthquake, one more hair to break the camel's back, and there would be no more composure, no more fake reassuring smiles, and there certainly would be no more Sakura.

**oooo**

_two years later_

Of course, it was much more than 'a little earthquake' that ended it all. 

Sakura should've known that, sooner or later, she'd have to face him again. He was supposed to stay away forever, but when had he ever kept a promise? She shouldn't have felt the thrill of giddiness at the sight of his broad back and silver hair, but she did, and it was completely ridiculous. After the initial shock of seeing him, truly seeing him in the flesh, passed, she wondered what he was doing back here, back in Konoha, and try as she might she couldn't repress the hope that he was here for her, and she couldn't focus on the man beside her, the man she was supposed to think only of. 

Well, the repress, focus bullshit never worked before, so why the hell would it start now? 

"Sakura," Kiba said, his hand gripping her wrist as he too recognized Kakashi. "Are you- " 

Sakura forced a smile, a habit so familiar by now it was unconscious. "It'll be fine. Let's just get a table." 

It was their weekly tradition, to meet up with all their friends at the bar. Kiba and Sakura were the first to arrive, usually followed by Lee, then Hinata, Neji, and TenTen, Shino wandering in mysteriously late as always, Sai, when Sakura could threaten him into attending, then Ino, dragging Choji by the arm, and if they were lucky, Shikamaru, who could be coerced into coming by Temari, if she were visitng the village. 

Sakura missed seeing Naruto at these gatherings, but he had more than enough on his plate, and she figured that he was a little too important these days to mess around with his old buddies in a bar. 

She purposely sat with her back to him, and she felt entirely self-conscious. She hadn't bothered to dress up, instead wearing her usual shorts, black boots, and red top. Her hair, longer these days, had been unceremoniously brushed from her face and into an elastic. She looked the same as always and wished she looked...sexy, or like she wasn't a bundle of nerves, hoping her ex had seen her and missed her and had come back for her. 

"Sakura," Kiba said warningly, "I can smell your anxiety. Chill out, will ya? He's the past. You only need to look ahead, right?" 

Sakura nodded feebly. Kiba had been great, really. Understanding at how slow a pace she wanted, needed, to move, dealing with her insecurities as best he could, trying to sew the shredded remains of her back into something resembling a human. With Kiba, Sakura had been able to let her defenses down as best she could, and aside from Tsunade, he was probably the only one who knew badly Kakashi had hurt her. 

"Hey, forehead!" Ino called loudly, as she spotted them from the bar. Sakura swallowed thickly as she turned to face her friend, who was standing only three spots down from Kakashi, who was looking, now, directly at Sakura. He looked the same as ever, mask in place, hair messy, charcol eye discerning and lazy at the same time. He wasn't wearing a headband, rather a strapless eyepatch, and he'd discarded his jounin uniform for a black vest, black thermal shirt sculpted to every muscle she knew by taste, by memory, and black pants. 

But he was still the same man. The same man she'd loved and lost and pined for and despised and wanted and...Kami, how she'd missed him. Their eyes met for a solid second, and Sakura was suspended in time, felt gravity shift and her stomach lurched forward. She was beginning to stand, to go to him, and why shouldn't she? 

And then Kiba grabbed her chin and kissed her. 

**oooo**

She knew it was his instincts, and that he didn't mean anything rude or too forward by it. Kiba was like that sometimes, but now, where it really counted, she thought he was doing this for her benefit. He kept close to her all night, his hands never leaving her. She enjoyed the attention, for the most part, though she always felt guilty when Hinata was there, staring on in silent sadness. Hinata deserved him so much more than she ever would, but she was weak and couldn't stand being alone. Kiba was soft and gentle with her, as always, and just now she could use the physical reminder right now that she'd chosen him, chosen to persue a relationship with Kiba over the memories of a coward. 

Still, she felt a little guilty and somewhat awkward. If their roles had been reversed and she was seeing Kakashi with somebody else... 

No. 

Sakura shook herself. Their roles would never have been reversed because Sakura wouldn't have retreated with her tail between her legs. Kakashi had left her and she'd moved on now and that was all there was to it. He would just have to deal with seeing her with another man, and who the hell was he to make her feel guilty anyway? 

Kakashi made his choice two years ago, and it had taken her that long to get back into the routine of functioning as normally on the inside as she appeared to on the outside. He wasn't going to take that away from her now, not when he'd already robbed her of so much. 

She grinned at Kiba, turned away from Hinata, and leaned in for another kiss. 

**oooo**

The bar was emptying as it neared last call. Ino was completely past drunk, and it took Shikamaru, Choji and a snickering Temari to heave Ino from her seat and start the journey to get her back home. Sai and Lee had left after TenTen and Neji, and now it was just Hinata and themselves. Kakashi stood in his same spot, slowly shooting his liquor, and Sakura could tell from the irritated grimace on Kiba's face that he was still looking over at their table. 

Sakura stood, deciding she needed to get out of here. It was becoming oppressive to be in the same room with Kakashi, to know that he was only feet away from her. She had to go home and Kiba could distract her then. If anything, Kiba was a great distraction, especially in bed. She immediately felt guilty for thinking that about her boyfriend, but it couldn't be helped. If she was honest with herself, it was true, in more ways than one. 

"Sakura." 

She was glad her face was hidden from Kiba. Her eyes fluttered shut and her heart pounded, and though she knew her boyfriend could probably sense the emotions swirling through her right now, she could always deny them later, or try to explain them away. 

His voice...the way he said her name, heavy on the first syllable, reverent, like a prayer... 

"I'd like to speak with you." He said, and she took a breath and opened her eyes, looking up at him, drinking him in like she was dying of thirst. 

"Fuck no." Kiba said, stepping in front of her. It looked a little laughable, because as much as Kiba had grown, he was still shorter than Kakashi, his body less developed. Sakura couldn't help but be reminded of Kiba's genin self right now. 

"I wasn't asking you," Kakashi said, giving Kiba an amused look. 

"Well, I'm answering. Fuck. No. Like you even have the right to think of asking her- " 

"Kiba." Sakura interrupted, tugging on his arm. "It's alright. I...want to." 

Kiba whirled around, placing his hands on either side of Sakura's face. "This isn't a good idea. Please Sakura, can't we just go?" 

"It's alright." Sakura repeated. "Just wait for me outside, 'kay?" 

Kiba straightened up. "Fine." He said curtly, and not giving Kakashi another look, he swept from the bar, slamming the swinging door against the wall as he went. Hinata gave Sakura a small shrug before following her teammate out of the bar. Yes...Hinata should go after him. Soothe him, placate him. Hinata loved Kiba in all the ways Sakura couldn't. Maybe if Sakura ever found some solid moral ground, she could let them be together. 

Even with Hinata acting as a buffer, dealing with Kiba later wouldn't be easy. But this...Sakura looked back up to Kakashi, a warmth she hadn't felt for so long, for too long, spreading through her as she realized this was real, _he was here_. This was worth it. 

**oooo**

"Inuzkua? Really?" 

Sakura shrugged, not knowing what to say. What was he expecting from her, anyway? Had he really come back to their village to criticize her? 

"I just thought you had better taste. Better than the damn dog." 

Anger flashed through Sakura. "Kiba at least has the balls to fess up to what he's feeling. He doesn't run away at the slightest hint of commitment." 

"I really had hoped we could gloss over the past." 

"I really had hoped you'd have fucked off by now." A blatant lie, but it didn't matter, because she knew he wouldn't believe it anyway. 

"It's not a good idea for you to see him." Kakashi said in a voice like a growl. 

"Fancy that, you giving me dating advice." 

"I'm not kidding, Sakura." 

"I'm not laughing, Kakashi." 

It was the first time she hadn't called him Kakashi-sensei. Trying to overcome his shock, he swallowed. "Does he treat you right? 

"Compared to who?" 

She always was quick on her feet and he shouldn't have expected anything less. He took a breath, trying to steady himself. "Does he make you laugh?" 

Sakura stepped closer, so closer that he could count her eyelashes, that she could've laid her head on his chest if she'd wanted. "He doesn't make me cry." 

He didn't try to stop her as she turned and disappeared through the door of the bar, and he wondered if she was waiting for him to run after her. 

**oooo**

Kiba was waiting for her. Hinata was nowhere to be seen, and Sakura's guilt increased tenfold. She wasn't just ruining her own life here. 

Kiba was relieved to see Sakura looking pissed off, and didn't feel the need to badger her for information on their walk to her apartment. 

"You gonna be okay?" Kiba asked, looking up and down the hallway outside her front door as though he expected Kakashi to materialize. 

"I'll be fine. I'm just going to take a bath and go to bed." Sakura said, purposely not inviting him inside. She just didn't have the strength tonight, even though Kiba wouldn't have tried to pull any moves on her, not after the night she'd had. He really was better to her than she gave him credit for. 

"If he shows up- " Kiba said, baring his teeth, but Sakura placed her palm against his chest. 

"He won't." Sakura said, almost sure, although his appearance in the middle of Konoha, in one of the establishments she frequented, shook everything she'd known for the last few years. 

"I'll leave my cell on just in case." Kiba said, pulling her to him and kissing her roughly. "I love you, Sakura." 

Sakura looked up at him, her smile sad. "Goodnight, Kiba." 

**oooo**

"Coffee's on." Kakashi, perched on her counter, jabbed a thumb toward the kitchen. 

"Should I be thanking you or pressing charges for B and E?" Sakura asked as she took her boots off. She was surprised and not at the same time, because she was sure their little chat in the bar had been a one-time deal, that he was just passing through and maybe was checking up on her, more out of regard for their past as teammates, as teacher and student, than their one as lovers. 

Then again, she'd been hesitant to ask Kiba in on the chance that Kakashi, as he'd done hundreds of times, would be waiting for her. He wouldn't have shown his face if he hadn't wanted to do more than bitch about her latest life choices. Even if she had been completely blindsided by him leaving her and leaving the village, she knew him better than most. He hadn't changed all that much in the last couple of years. 

Sakura didn't know if this was something to lament over or to be happy about. 

**oooo**

"C'mon." He said, holding out his hand to take hers. She stared at it, the hand that had touched her and caressed her and tickled her and sometimes wiped her tears away. 

After a silent, oppressive moment, Kakashi dropped his hand. "I've got some unpacking to do, and I'm supposed to report to the Hokage in the morning." 

"So go." Sakura said, standing and picking up their empty coffee mugs. "You've got a knack for it, as I recall." 

"Just one hour, Sakura. Give me that." 

Sakura sighed, and they both knew she wouldn't be able to resist his plea. 

**oooo**

**x**

He hadn't seen her in two years, and it was two years too long. It was an epiphany, or as close as he'd ever get to one. Like he'd been walking around in a genjutsu for what felt an eternity, and he finally found the strength to release it. He'd been shattered, gutted, leaving. It wasn't so much leaving Konoha, because he realized that he'd fought not for the village, but for the idea of it. Of unbreakable bonds and keeping the innocent and not so innocent alike safe. 

He had given up so much, given away so much, for the cause, for home. 

It had taken losing everything for him to realize that warm lips, a brass smile and strength that could bring down an entire mountain was all the home he would ever need. 

**x**

**oooo**

"Why did you do it?" She asked, lying on her back, tracing the water-damage patterns on his ceiling with her finger. 

"A lot of reasons. No reasons." 

Sakura shook her head; such a typical Kakashi answer. 

"Why did you come back?" She tried a different approach. 

"I...there was something I needed to do." 

Sakura lifted her head to look at him. "A mission?" 

Kakashi shrugged. "Of sorts." 

He held her gaze for a moment before going back to shoving clothes into his closet. 

"I missed you, you know." Sakura said quietly, almost too quietly for him to hear, and before he knew it she was beside him. He turned to her, cupping her cheek with one hand for a moment, sliding his fingers down her jaw. 

"There's been no one since you...faint copies at best, but not the real thing." Sakura said, remaining still while he held her chin firmly between his thumb and index finger. She never was one to hold back where he was concerned, and she wanted to take his coming back as a sign, that things could the way they were again. Either way, she needed to tell him what she'd wanted to for so long. He'd deprived her of everything, of the chance to lay bare everything she felt for him, and she would finally take it, whether this was the last or the beginning of something else. 

"I knew I had to come back, even if just to see you. Even if I couldn't ever be a part of your life again." He replied. 

Sakura tipped her head back, out of his reach. "I hated you, you know. After you left. Hate! The real thing." Sakura shook her head, stepping back from him. "I had more anger and resentment for you than I ever had for Sasuke, when he left." Sakura turned her back on Kakashi, and slowly walked the length of the room, toward the door. "But after a while, weeks passed. And then months, and then years. And I got over the hate, Kakashi." Sakura put her hand on the doorknob, the tarnished brass thing she'd touched so many times before.  
"But I never got over the love." She whispered, and she was out the door almost too quick for him to see. 

**oooo**

Just because she'd moved onto something new didn't mean it was something better. She'd never given up on him, not really, and the past was always meant to haunt her anyway. Such is the way of the shinobi. 

Sakura left her apartment because Kiba would look for her first there, and she'd shut her cell off and left it on her coffee table. She was in a secluded part of the forest, a mile or so away from the training grounds. She wasn't sure how long she'd be able to hold Kiba off her scent, and as she felt his chakra approaching, she cursed his Inuzuka nose. 

"So." He said, standing behind her. 

"Yeah." She said, because she had nothing else to say and she couldn't explain it to him, to the person who'd helped put her life back together. He deserved better than her, and she'd always known that because no matter how much he told her he loved her or how many times they slept together, Kiba wasn't Kakashi and that was all that mattered. But she wasn't what he really needed, either, and now he could see Hinata, and what she offered, with clear eyes. 

"Just...just maim the fucker if he messes with you again." 

Sakura chuckled. "Thanks, Kiba." 

"Ain't a thing. Just be happy." Kiba put his hand on her shoulder for a moment, then he walked away, and Sakura couldn't help it; she let out a breath of relief. 

**oooo**

"I thought I told you I'd kill you if you set foot in this village again." Tsunade swung Sakura's door open before Kakashi's hand had left the doorbell. 

"Er - " 

"Granny, don't tease him." A blond head appeared beside Tsunade, and Kakashi's eyes widened at the Naruto that stood before him now. He was cloaked in the traditional robes of the Hokage, and his face had taken on a maturity that hadn't been there the last time he'd seen him. 

"Whatever." Tsunade rolled her eyes. "Anyway Hatake, as you can see I'm no longer the Hokage. So I guess these," Tsunade reached into the bulging front pocket of Kakashi's vest, where the papers that she'd stamped so long ago were, "are void. But hell, let's see if I've still got it in me. Arrest him!" Tsunade pointed a finger at Kakashi, using her loudest and most authoritative voice. 

"Could you all be any more annoying?" Sakura emerged, her face flushing when she saw Kakashi standing in her doorway. 

"I came to talk to you," Kakashi began, his eyes finding hers, but as he went to step forward, Naruto jabbed him in the chest. 

"Hold it right there! You haven't even given me your report, and you haven't called me Naruto-sama yet! So you're not going anywhere!" 

Sakura, following Tsunade's suit, rolled her eyes. "Give me a minute, Naruto-sama." And she shoved past her mentor and friend, closing the door shut with a slam behind her. 

"What about the mutt?" Kakashi asked, and Sakura glowed at the jealousy in his voice. 

"Don't worry about Kiba. Worry about me! You've got a lot to make up for. A lot to prove." 

Kakashi smiled, pulling Sakura to him, resting his hand against the small of her back. It felt good, better than he'd even dreamed, to be this close to her again. To smell her, to feel her. He brushed his lips against hers, feeling a jolt go through him like electricity. And Kami, to _taste_ her... 

"I love you, Sakura." He said firmly, and the surety of his words ran to Sakura's core, ran straight to her heart. 

"You'd better...Kakashi-sensei." She said with a trademark smile, standing on her tip-toes to kiss him once more. 

**Several quotes from MASH and Ocean's 11 here, ten gold stars to whoever (whomever?) can place them. I think Kakashi was let off the hook a little easier than he should have been, but I guess that's what being in love will do. As ever, feedback is appreciated. Thanks for reading!**


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